Archive for September, 2010

116 minutes.

Beautiful.

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See you next year Summer.

Deadbeat.

I’d never thought that I would be one of these deadbeats. I never thought that I’d be working in a dead end job, never getting promoted, and only to keep my family stable. We’re not stable. Bailliffs come all the time to our house to get an on-the-door payment. Cash up front. Seeing my mother in tears is one of the most horrible things I have had to witness. And I choose to ignore it because I’m the “failed” yet so afraid son, always escaping, away with friends or anything to keep these problems at bay.

I am in debt keeping up with these bills. I am broken because I give my money to money stealing bastards that taking my soul away. I am a failure because I can’t just talk to my mother. I am ugly, I actually physically hate seeing myself in the mirror or any form of reflection to remind me of what piece of worthless shit I have become and how I was never good enough for a certain person. I am sick because of these thoughts never leaving my head. I am depressed knowing that i’ll never be happy ever in my life. My back aches, from bending back for people that only have done nothing for me. I dont have much to say really.

I have no desire to be here.

Schools back…

Which means that I can no longer hang out with my little brothers. Shame, Im always working full time and the weekends. Apologies to people I have owed emails to for a while. At lot has happened in the past few weeks that I have kept away from this blog. I’ll write it up when I feel like I can use my energy.

I just have nothing to say anymore.